In The Moment
by janya.wrote.nightrose
Summary: Jacob's reflections, post Breaking-Dawn, on his new eternal life and second chance for love. Spoilers for BD. Please R&R. "I was a part of her, forever, eternally. I belonged to her. Her arm, her foot, her Jacob."
1. Chapter 1

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"Beautiful," Quil whispers. I agree whole-heartedly.

"Aren't they?"

At the same time, we continued, "I don't mean like _that_." And then laughed.

No one else in the world really understood what was happening like we knew it. Even our brothers, who could see into our minds, didn't quite comprehend the exact nature of our feelings.

But Quil and I knew.

We knew that there could be nothing sweeter than this. Sitting at my best friend's side, watching the two little girls play in the waves together. Admittedly, I'd like to be in the water with Nessie, but she needs friends other than me.

She is so exquisite. And of course I don't mean like _that. _She's simply an adorable little girl. Her curls are bouncing like perfect springs almost to her feet, and her skin is glittering a tiny bit in the late afternoon sun.

"You know, Nessie's going to be a woman in five years," Quil says.

"She's two years old, Quil. Two. Claire was two when you met her."

He grimaces briefly. "I see your point."

Claire's laugh pierces the air. I can see his face transform at the sound. "Quiw! Quiw!" she calls, and he's on his feet, charging toward her.

She laughs again as he pulls her into the air, her hair falling free towards the sandy ground.

Nessie and Claire are good friends. Claire is four years old, and Nessie is technically two. She's the size of a six year old, though, and her mind is light-years ahead. She can already talk like an adult, read, write… her brain is a marvel to us all. Especially me. I'm in awe of her.

Two years old and she's _already _smarter than me. I really ought to go back to school. But if I did, I couldn't be doing this. There's eternity to learn, and so few fleeting days that she'll be a child, that I can watch her perfectly happy for no reason at all.

What could be better than that?

To tell the truth, I think the real reason Claire and Nessie get along so well is because of us. The crazy wolf boys.

It's not like they can tell the girls they go to kindergarten with that, oh, that's just my best friend the adult man. Don't mind him, but be careful. If you piss him off he might turn into a giant wolf and kill you.

Well, Claire's not really old enough to understand what Quil is yet, but she knows he's special. Different.

And Nessie's always been a part of the supernatural.

Absorbed in my thoughts, I miss it completely until there is a stinging pain in my leg. "Ow," I mutter.

I look down, and that blindingly perfect smile is directed up at me.

Nessie bit me again.

I scoop her up in my arms, playfully poking her nose with every word. "Renesmee Carlie Cullen. Did you just bite my leg?"  
She shakes her head. Her curls fly around in the air.

"Yes, you did."

She touches my face. _Did not._

"Did too!"

_Did not._

"Did too!"

She giggles in delight at the new game. My ears ring with the perfection of her laughter.

_Did not._

"Oh, all right, Nessie. You win."

_I always win. _

"That's right. You do. Now, please, don't bite my leg anymore."

_I didn't._

While Nessie and I are enjoying our repetitive conversation, I'm dwelling on something else.

It would really suck for Quil if it _is _the way the others think it is. If the two of us are counting down the days until the girls we adore so much are women, if we can scarcely wait, if this time wasn't just as precious as that will be, he'd really have gotten the short end of the stick.

After all, I hardly have to wait. I imprinted after he did, on a girl younger than he did, and I still have so much less time between now and forever than he does.

But that jealousy just isn't there.

There's no reason for it, because neither of us want anything more than what we have at this moment.

How could we, when we are each holding our personal universes in our arms, listening to our own everythings laugh? What is there to be envied when we get to witness every moment of their joy and catch their tears whenever they fall?

If there's anything I have better, it's that Renesmee is immortal. We will be side by side for eternity.

But the _nature _of our togetherness doesn't matter. All I care about is that she's happy, and I'm here to see it.

Nessie laughs again, and I catch one of her curls between my fingers.

"Did too," I whisper, and kiss the top of her head.

As long as I have that, I'm happy too.

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	2. Chapter 2

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Why does it _matter _what I call her? When I first explained, years ago, to Bella, about Quil and Claire, I said he would change.

Be whatever she needed from him.

And that's the simple truth.

But I continued. "Brother, best friend, lover…"

And that's where I made a mistake. No one who hasn't felt this could understand. I will not change with the years. My feelings are absolute. The way I express them may transform, but I will not.

No pun intended—I'm not talking about the wolf thing here. Shapeshifter, now, not werewolf.

What does it _matter? _Honestly, those stupid leeches, changing the name of our species because they have a prejudice against something of the same name but a different nature.

I guess it shouldn't bother me, either.

Nessie's never been like a sister to me. No brother feels this strongly. Sure, it's impossible to have a meaningful friendship with a child as young as she was when I met her. The only thing she knew how to need from me was protection and simple fulfillment of basic needs- my arms to sleep in when she was tired, food when she was hungry, simple entertainment when she was bored.

She's older now, old enough that she needs someone to trust, someone who understands _everything_, who's there with a smile and a joke and reassurance not to worry, because I'm a freak too.

And later, maybe, if she wants, I'll love her like _that. _But at this exact moment, I don't feel any kind of romantic desire—for her, or anyone else.

Quil has a theory, a pretty good one. Imprinting, he says, isn't necessarily romantic. Not at all. It only means that I'm as much a part of Nessie as her arm or her foot.

Right now, it doesn't help her at all for me to _want _her. Later, she'll need to be desired and loved. Later, she'll need someone who can hold her and kiss her and make her feel every bit as beautiful as she is.

Right now, not so much.

So the only thing I want is what she needs from me. As she changes, so will my desires. But the way I feel about her will never change.

She is the center of my world. She is the only everything in the universe. She kept me tethered to reality from the moment I saw her and the bonds to my old life floated away.

Years may change how she feels for me. At the beginning, a caretaker like all the others: her mother and father, Carlisle and Esme, Barbie, and the rest. At the moment, the closest thing to a friend her age she has, someone who understands what it is to be a child in a family of those who've left time behind (because I do feel so young sometimes, like I'm no older than she is, like every discovery she makes is my own as well). And in the end, maybe she'll see her future in me. Or maybe not. Maybe that other half-blood will win her heart. Maybe she'll do the whole doomed love Romeo and Juliet thing with some human, just like her parents.

As long as she's happy, I don't care.

The only name I need is _hers. _Her arm, her foot, her Jacob. Placed on the earth to serve her needs, honored to observe her joy, loving her with all my soul.

Hers.

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	3. Chapter 3

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Her hand is soft. Her hair bounces like a spring when I pull it straight and then let it snap into its natural shape. Her smile is wide.

I love these simple touches. Despite the obvious assumption, it's truly all I want, the comforting contact of a friend, a family member.

She'll be a woman soon enough, but I'm not eager. If anything, I'm dreading it. One day closer to…

And then I remember. We have forever. Forever, for me to make her happy, to please her, to adore her.

The rest of my life is hers. I will enjoy, relish, worship every second of it.

I don't need it to change. I'm amazed, really, by how little this sucks, looking at Bella happy with Edward, loving someone I never chose. Because I think destiny chose for me better than I ever did for myself.

I get back a little of the happiness I give, with Nessie. I get back all of it, because I can make her smile. I never could with Bella.

It sounds so foreign and distant to me now, the thought that anything but this could be where I belong.

I know it was once true, but now I am wholly hers, so much that even the memory of a desire for anything else is foreign to me.

She is beautiful. She is precious. She is everything.

It is truly the way I want it, I think. I can't be absolutely certain, no, not with this extent of feeling even when she's far away. It's incredible. It's wonderful.

"Jake," she says, "Come talk to me."

It's a command I find myself obeying before I even understand what I'm doing. My legs carry me across the room before she's finished saying the words.

She reaches up to touch my face. Her skin is cool, warmer than the ice of Bella's but noting like my werewolf heat. She touches me softly, delicately.

_Jacob, I'm turning five tomorrow, _she informs me. As if I could forget!

"I know, Nessie."

_Nahuel's coming._

I restrain a snarl. "I know, Nessie."

I don't want him near her. It's not jealousy, really, but I don't like the idea of a habitual murderer who killed his own mother at less than one day old spending quality time with Nessie.

_Why don't you like him, Jake?_

I speak slowly and carefully. "I think he's dangerous, Ness. I'm worried he'll hurt you, or Charlie, or Sue."

_Daddy thinks it's because you're jealous._

I choke. Isn't she a little young to be discussing that sort of thing? "You're only four, Ness."

_That's what I said. You're my best friend. So it doesn't matter if Nahuel likes me, right?  
Likes _her? That gives me an abrupt flashback to middle school. 'Does he like me, or does he like me like me?'

"What do you mean?"

_He thinks I'm pretty._

"You're beautiful." And that's none of his business. She's four years old! She looks physically about eleven, true, but that's much, much too young!

_I don't think he's pretty, _she transmits quite seriously. _But you are, sort of._

I laugh. "Your mom told me that once, you know."

_I know. _She peels her hand away from my face. "So the moral of the story is please don't kill Nahuel, okay? That would ruin my party."

"I won't. I promise."

She bounces up and kisses me on the cheek. "Thanks, Jake. You're the best."

I watch her skip off. My face is burning from her touch. 

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	4. Chapter 4

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"Jake?" she says aloud—I love the sound of her voice even more because I hear it so rarely.

"Yeah, Ness?"

She lays her hand over my face and thinks, _I don't like school. It's boring._

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, but you have to go."

_I don't have any friends at all!_

"Not even one, Ness?"

_Not even one._

I sigh. How I wish I could help her with this!"You do so have a friend, Nessie."

_No I don't._

I feign hurt, pouting out my lower lip. "What? I'm not your friend?"

_I mean at school, Jake. _

My attempt to tease her obviously failed. I sigh and think back to my sister's school days. I remember them whining about the same things in middle school, when they were Nessie's "age".

She's almost eleven now, in appearance, and she's started sixth grade.

In earlier years, she wasn't very interested in the other children. She thought they were simple.

Then again, compared to Nessie _Einstein _is simple. The girl's a genius. It's no wonder school bores her. Sure, she may look years older than she is, but her mind is decades ahead.

I'm not just saying that because I adore her, really. I mean, I do have some blindness to her faults, but _everyone, _her teachers, her family, her peers, can recognize this.

Her mind shines. Not to mention the fact that she's infinitely lovely. Sure, sure, beauty's in the eye of the beholder, and my particular eyes aren't exactly objective, but again, _everyone _admits she's gorgeous.

I sigh. It's no wonder the girls don't like her.

"Nessie, they're just jealous."

She shows me her frustration. _You're just saying that, _she groans, and the thought is tinged with grief.

"Of course not!" I am desperate to make her happy. She looks so miserable right now… I'm sure Edward and Bella won't let me pull her out of school, but maybe… I don't know. Something. I could… I could… I'm coming up blank here. I settle for comforting her. "Nessie, you're a beautiful, wonderful, brilliant girl. I love you. Your parents love you. Your aunts and uncles love you. Your grandparents love you-- even Phil and Renee, and they don't even know you exist. No one can help loving you. You're too special. No bunch of dumb preteen girls is going to change that, Ness. All right?"

_All right. _She looks up at me, and suddenly smiles. _I love you too, Jake._

"Yeah. Thanks, sweetheart." I can feel myself blushing a little. "Middle school's rough, I know. I remember."

_Really?_

"I'm not _that _old, Ness."

_You're older than dirt, Jake. _She grins so I can tell she's joking. I need the reassurance.

I mean, I have no romantic interest in Nessie at age eleven, but I'm also acutely aware that I'll _never _have any interest in anyone _else, _either. So it's not exactly good to cultivate her impression of my venerability.

"Thanks, Nessie."

She laughs and skips off. "Thanks for the advice!" she calls over her shoulder.

I smile.

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	5. Chapter 5

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"Jake… I want you to meet someone."

"Who?"

She's talking aloud, so I assume there's someone else nearby. "This is Chris. He's in my class at school. He's taking me to the dance on Friday."

The boy is very short, scrawny—shorter even than Nessie, let alone me. It's not exactly atypical given that he's in seventh grade, but I don't really care. I'm not inclined to like this kid.

But if it's making Nessie happy… "So you're Nessie's boyfriend?" I ask, leaning over the blonde boy's head.

"Er…" he glances at her. "Yeah. I guess. Ness, who is this guy?"

I growl quietly. Only _I _call her that. Not even Edward and Bella call her that. Only me.

I don't like him. I don't want him with her. I don't want her with anyone else… not because I want her for myself.

Because I can't stand it if someone hurts her.

That's pretty much all I care about, is her being happy.

And I can't stop this dumb kid from breaking her heart.

"There's a dance on Friday?"

Nessie nods.

"I'm driving both of you."

"Thanks," Chris says. The conversation lulls into an incredibly awkward silence.

I glare at him until he leaves with an off-handed "See you tomorrow, Ness."

I watch him leave. Ness puts her hand on my cheek. _Jeez, Jake, you're shaking. _

"I'm worried about you, Nessie."

_Why? Him? Jake, I'm a half-vampire. I can take care of myself, thanks all the same. He's not going to give me any trouble._

I groan. "Ness, I'm not worried about _that. _I know you're tough. I just… look. How much do you like this guy?"

She is silent for a moment. I can hear my heart pound in my chest. My eyes dart, almost of their own accord, to the little bracelet she's always worn around her neck.

I made it, just like I once carved a charm for another bracelet (in another life) and she's promised to wear it forever.

It's a promise bracelet. She knows, and so do her parents. I braided it to prove to her that I plan on marrying her someday, when she's older, when and if she wants me.

I gave it to her years ago, when she was still a baby, back during all that nonsense with the Volturi. She hasn't taken it off since then.

She wears it because she loves me, or so I thought, because she understands how I'm bound to feel about her someday and thinks she'll probably feel the seem.

I thought I'd done well enough with my devotion to her that she'd be able to love me, eventually.

Obviously I was wrong…

And then she laughs, a laugh that pierces the air, and gently touches my face. _Jake, you are an _idiot. _He asked me to go. So I said yes. Unless you were planning on going to the sixth grade dance with me, I don't think you have any reason to be jealous._

"So I'm overreacting."

_Yes. A lot. _

I take a deep breath. "Sorry, Ness. I'll try to be nice. Just like I was nice to Nahuel at your party."

_I appreciate it. It's hard for you, I know._

"You really take this pretty well."

_Thanks._

I smile at her. "But if he gives you any trouble…"

_You'll rip him into shreds, yes. Goes without saying. _

We laugh.

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